Running through the primary artery and ravaging my beauty

But running through the primary artery, the thing that ultimately accelerated their world and then took them down, was speed. Amphetamine magnified their paranoia, robbed some of their innate powers, drained their confidence, and ravaged their beauty.

– Patti Smith, Just Kids

And it was the same with prescription dextroamphetamines, Ritalin and Adderall for 12 years, for me, to treat the manic depression I was diagnosed with at age 22. Those pills drained me of life for sure. Wasted years. Lost time.

I am in recovery now, 18 days of freedom. Clean AND sober since August 23, 2017. Attending outpatient drug and alcohol rehab for a week now, planning to keep going with it for at least two months. One day at a time.

Bordered a train to take my memories back/make up for time that I have lost/I’ll never know if I’m delusional/I just believe that I am not

– Conor Oberst, Time Forgot

After two dozen years of psychiatric treatment and repeated hospitalizations, I finally became honest with the psychiatrist I see every few weeks. No longer will he prescribe my any addictive psych meds such as Adderall or Klonipin or Ativan. Oh how I loved them, though!:(

I take my daily doses of lithium and neurontin and trazadone every day like clockwork and my erratic mood swings have pretty much evened out most every day. When I stay clean. And sober.

I’m gonna work for my sanity/give it everything I’ve got/though so far I have cheated death/I know someday I’ll get caught/just liv…

– Conor Oberst, Time Forgot

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